An Angel’s Journey: The Calling
June 2022, months after my mom’s passing, I have been animating for practice and out of nowhere, the vision of The Heart and Soul of an Actor came back into my mind.
Looking back at my history creating characters and animating, I had a feeling from my mom that it was time to create that Augmented Reality project.
Heart and Soul - In My Theory
The Soul – In the interview Daniel Henney had in July 2015, he mentioned how his animated character Tadashi was a “…pure, Soul of a character”
Daniel’s interview showcased how much Heart he had in an unforgettable experience playing Tadashi in Disney’s Big Hero 6 (2014)
The Heart and Soul of an Actor became the title for the Augmented Reality art piece I planned to create.
For an Augmented Reality piece to thank Daniel Henney for helping me find my voice, I wanted to focus more on the Heart and Soul connection
I cropped a side-view reference of the actor from the waist down where it’s only from the chest up
Heart – energy and passion from the chest region
Soul – energy and passion from the head region
Heart and Soul Color Theme
Heart – Pink/magenta/white
Soul – Gold/yellow/white
The color themes of Heart and Soul would soon play into how I wanted Daniel’s character, Tadashi to appear in my project
Recreating Tadashi
Tadashi was remodeled from the chest up to mirror his Voice Actor
I used Blender with only one iso-sphere and one iso-cylinder to model Tadashi in 3D
Tadashi Hamada Side view Reference – Walt Disney Animation Studios
Tadashi would then be further modeled in Maya.
I used BlendShapes to create animation keys for facial expressions
Xgen Interactive Groom for the Hair
Advanced Skeleton 5 for the Rigging Process
Tadashi Hamada Angle View Reference – Walt Disney Animation Studios
Tadashi Hamada Hair Reference – Walt Disney Animation Studios
I’m Ready… or Not?
Once I was confident enough to go ahead and finish the AR project, I reminisced how far I’ve come on this journey to be the best artist/storyteller that I can be. I envisioned what I’ve gone through:
The hardships
The joys
The motivation to achieve my dreams
I then began to write a narrative to my coming-of-age story that lead up to the production of The Heart and Soul of an Actor.
My mind was exploding with ideas to showcase my narrative. I was envisioning animation, hearing music in my head, and even my mom in spirit.
To help overcome my grief over losing my mom, I channeled my calling to begin production on the most challenging, innovative, milestone-making project that can transform me into a better version than before.
It was time to begin The Healing Process
Pre-Production
The first thing I had in mind producing, The Healing Process, is to write down a narrative to my coming-of-age story that produced The Heart and Soul of an Actor
After the narration is written, it was time to draw out how the story should be envisioned.
Top Image:
I was originally motivated to time, where I saw my mom being a motivation to prove that “at the end of the road” that I was going to be okay.
Below Image:
What was cut: the visual of what my mom looked like on her last birthday before she passed in January.
Picture taken: 12-20-2021
I had ideas based on my life story and its connection to my real-life story. Throughout pain, I would convert what I felt to how I wanted in my project based on the feeling.
Time – I placed a clock in most of my drawings to showcase how much time I had left with my mom after her ALS diagnosis. As time went by, so did the drawings with the last hour and time with my mom being at the 11th hour.
Time starts to look slow and fast based on where An-J was in life. During COVID, time was slow, then when life hit hard, it sped up closer to her mom’s demise.
Toxic Environment Analogy – The original concept was An-J being verbally attacked by a manager. This manager resembled three figures:
- Gaslighting
- Abuse
- Trauma
However, to animate multiple figures, it would confuse the viewers, so I converted all figures into one.
The Toxic Figure – The character I customized from a free 3D model, played the role of how work environments can twist and brainwash people’s minds.
The redesign was inspired by the character Vecna from season 4’s Stranger Things, specifically the misshapen hands
Reddit: u/woodwindsarebetter
Could Vecna’s clawed hand be a Demogorgon’s hand?
An-J’s Hair – Originally, I was going to use realistic hair on An-J, however, when I animated her, the hair didn’t work with what she had to execute.
Instead, I created new hair in Blender where I can manipulate the movement without any technical errors.
Smoke Effect – I intentionally used smoke to symbolize loss of vision, unpredictability, and cloudiness on how the mind is affected in a toxic environment
Glitch Effect – The glitch is the mind and emotion being attacked. The mind is trying to rewire itself back into sanity so it can prepare when the next attack happens.
Each attack would create more mind glitches and the environment starts to be manifested in red (toxicity)
The attacks soon became more psychic; pushing and pulling An-J around like a ragdoll.
The mixtures of greens and reds to define rage and disgust take over the scene as the toxic environment makes the final blow.
This is the moment where An-J skins stars to crack; showing:
Fragility
Damage
Abuse
*Additional smoke effects were made in Particle Illusion, a VFX software.
The next scene shows An-J falling from her attack towards a sink with a mirror in front of her. She looks in shock at what has happened to her and how mentally frail she has become from the toxic workplace she was in.
Based on where the cracks are located on her face, the cracks are gathered more on the left side of her forehead. This is based on the weak part of where her language-developing skills are located.
Breaking Wing Scene – The Toxic Environment has evolved where the wings An-J has start to lose their abilities.
The Toxic Figure has now grown in size, symbolizing how much the environment has manifested An-J mentally and emotionally.
An-J’s wing becomes damaged from the attack and the words she described herself was Worthless
You are Not Capable of doing your Job were words spoken from the manager who mistreated An-J
An-J is unable to escape what is being done. There is fear in her eyes after trying to free herself from her mind
This moment is right before the wings break. The last breath; the last heartbeat.
As a last minute thought, I wanted to showcase a trail of feathers to a side view of An-J sitting on her knees. Briefly, a skeletal replica of her wings are visible with a few feathers still attached while a feather is seen floating to the ground.
To show sadness in An-J’s face, I used a different texture where her eyes are reddened from crying and her tear ducts are warmer from the visible sadness she is experiencing.
Broken Wings
This was a moment where An-J felt vulnerable; unable to speak how she felt.
This was my first drawing I have made for The Healing Process. When I first presented my early ideas to Tori she felt a connection and started to choke up a bit.
Heart Shaped Cats
I received a call when my mom was going to be withdrawn from care; it would be on Friday, January 28th, 2022. I cried myself to sleep on my couch, and around 6:30 in the morning, I saw my cats shaped in a way I never saw before. I took a picture and shared it with my friend Tori and I thought they looked like a crescent. However, Tori stated that if I tilted my head for a new angle the cats looked like they’re shaped into a heart. I was unaware of Angel Signs but this was the beginning for more signs to come.
*Beginning with the Angel Signs phase, I started implementing a neat VFX called Particle Illusion from the Boris FX engine.
The Newport Pier
On the last day I would visit my mom in Cincinnati, I went on a run along the Newport Pier.
As I was on the home stretch, I ran passed a heart and an I Heart U writing on one of the polls. I stopped and ran back to take a picture. I saw this as another sign that someone’s watching over me or that the angels were close when my mom was about to join them soon.
The Crossroads of Destiny
On the day when I saw my cats sleeping back to back, I received a job offer from a place that I believed would be better for me compared to a toxic job I was at. That was the day I told my boss that I got a job offer and I was leaving.
It was quite a celebration for me.
Robin Williams and the Number 11
In case anyone was wondering why the number 11 has been showing up, I believed what I was experiencing before and after my mom’s passing were signs from the afterlife. 11 has been a part of my life for a long time and it started appearing more often.
At my new job, Agave & Rye was known for their art done all over the restaurant. On father’s day before the grand opening in the Grandview location, I saw a mural of Robin Williams with Mrs. Doubtfire in the arcade room section.
Mrs. Doubtfire and South Carolina – On the last evening with my mom, I brought Mrs. Doubtfire so my family can watch our favorite movie together. This movie was significant to the number 11 because we would watch the movie together in November before and during our trips to South Carolina; our place of peace and happiness.
More 11’s to Come
My parents got married in Las Vegas on November 27th, 1988
Daniel Henney’s birthday is November 28th, 1979.
Before June 20th, 2022 – I kept seeing signs from the number 11 and as a tiktok fanatic, I saw a tarot card reader that lit a fire within me.
I practiced my animation skills long enough, I lived a story that was worth telling.
It was time.
Particle Illusion
The VFX software has enhanced my story-telling with the majority of the work in this animation and beyond.
The colors for the healing process were gold and bright greens. These were my mom’s favorite colors and my journey has connected my spirituality through this scene.
Glowing Hands – In addition to the VFX, I used a mesh light to parent with the hands
Creating life through grief – The original concept was An-J holding a 3D sphere mesh in her hands which would evolve into Tadashi’s redesign.
The final version became a magical specular where An-J is converting her energy from loss and hardships into something bigger and stronger than her previous version.
The Buildings that Trap An-J
Briefly in the last shot of the scene where An-J discovers her powers, there are eight buildings that represent her journey.
As An-J is parting the buildings in her way, there is a light at the end to a new beginning.
The Healing Process Concept
The original drawing was based on how An-J was able to create art in its 3D form. The steps were as followed:
- 3D modeling
- Blendshapes for facial expressions
- Rigging to animate the character
Eventually, a creative scene was inspired for An-J’s involvement in recreating Tadashi for The Heart and Soul of an Actor. Therefore, A new concept was drawn out, and I animated a scene to flesh out the recreation of Tadashi in a more readable form.
The Healing Process Scene
This scene is a creative approach to how An-J brought Tadashi back into life in a different shape and form:
The first step outlined creating the Mesh of Tadashi
A future step outlined creating the Rigging of Tadashi
One of the future steps is recreating the realistic hair on Tadashi
Another step is recreating the facial expressions on Tadashi
An-J implements the soul back into Tadashi
An-J implements the heart back into Tadashi
With the Heart and Soul combined, An-J breathes life back into Tadashi entirely
Reference to An-J’s Healing Process
An-J’s pose when she is healing the damage that was done to her, it was a shoutout to an remarkable animated series titled, The Legend of Korra (2012-2014)
The Legend of Korra – Season 1 ep. 12. Endgame
Nickelodeon Studios
In the last episode of the first chapter of The Legend of Korra, Korra had her powers (bending) taken away, and Korra felt like she couldn’t own up to her expectations to being a powerful master and peace-maker to all elements of power.
At her lowest place in life, an ancestor of her abilities returns to remind her of who she is and grants her powers back to her.
The Legend of Korra – Season 1 ep. 12. Endgame
Nickelodeon Studios
Once Korra was healed and regained her powers, she reinstated her purpose to being a peacemaker to her world.
The reference from The Legend of Korra inspired the healing process for An-J. Reinstating her purpose on being a peacemaker in her own way.
The Pre-Cliff scene Concept
The original concept to a transition to a cliff scene was An-J mirroring Tadashi’s anticipation to look toward the future while focusing on the present time.
The wings on An-J in the drawing were already present, however, the anticipation didn’t match with the suspenseful layout; the wings appeared too early.
The Final Concept to the Pre-Cliff Scene
An-J mirrored Tadashi’s animation, but without wings.
An-J is surprised being on a cliff with a body of water separating her from the world beyond.
The whole world in front of her by a body of water is terrifying
That fear for An-J’s future diminishes when her wings miraculously return after giving herself a chance to heal from her past.
An-J has a decision to make here: does she want to stay on the land where she knows how to do her best or grow from her past and present for opportunities to the great beyond?
Another reference to An-J’s Flight Scene is based off of the iconic words from Peter B. Parker in the award-winning Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse
Sony Animation Pictures (2018)
I_ am_ Ironman/dailymarvel/tumblr https://dailymarvel.tumblr.com/post/625585395594395648/spider-man-into-the-spider-verse-2018-dir-bob:
Original Leap of Faith
The concept for An-J taking her Leap of Faith didn’t match the anticipation with the visual body of music and animation. An-J only took a step back, then leaped and ran two steps to her leap over the cliff.
Final Leap of Faith
An-J turns away from the edge of the cliff and walks away.
Then An-J has a second-thought and takes a glance at her long-awaiting opportunity
Now An-J has the motivation and momentum to perform a true Leap of Faith
Will She Fly?
Leap of Faith reference – Miles Morales leaping from a skyscraper: Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse (2018)
Image Reference: https://www.insider.com/spider-verse-miles-breaking-glass-theory-2019-2
Reference to Leap of Faith: Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse (2018)
Image Reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marvel/comments/aag0f1/dont_know_if_i_should_post_it_here_but_i_edited/
She flies...
Man, does she fly...
(What’s Up Danger…)
Angel’s Presence
Nearing the end of An-J’s flight scene, she notices a glowing light in the ocean and sees her mom in the shape and form of a heart and angel wings; the ones that An-J grew back after breaking them.
An-J is proud of her hard work and dedication to her late-mom, the tears of joy stream down her face.
She continues forward, hopeful for a bright future to come.